Wednesday, May 6, 2015
An Ape Wins Again
November 9th, 1864
You know, I feel as though I should be angrier right now. I feel as if I should be cursing the heavens, and vowing revenge for another thousandth or so time, promising to end his career or put a stop to his evil or something along those lines. Perhaps it is shock, or maybe it is hopelessness, or maybe the defeat is yet to sink in, but this is the first time in a lot of my major failures that I feel disappointed as opposed to an extreme wroth. He's won. For another time out of an uncountable amount, I have lost to Lincoln. This war shall continue, and I will continue to be dust in the wind that is American history. I suppose the American people have spoken; we just had one of, if not the, bloodiest battles in the history of this country at Gettysburg, and apparently they want more. I don't even know if I have words to describe the feelings I have right now, but it doesn't really make any matter. I've been defeated again, again, and again, and am all out of ideas as to how I'm going to preserve my pride. Perhaps I won't go down in the history books; perhaps I'll just be some forgotten general who wasn't good enough for the North, who's every major battle was a failure in the eyes of the Union. I grow weary of this country, and weary of trying to prove myself and restore my reputation to its former glory. I have a family to look over, a family that I've abandoned for too long while I've obsessed over trying to be remembered and be better than Lincoln. It's time, that for once in my life, I put someone Else's needs above my own and try to be a better person. Maybe I should take a break from this nation for a while; I'm sure that there are lovely spots to visit in Europe with my family, some place where I can get forget about my troubles for a while and just relax. Who knows, maybe I'll be appreciated over there more so than I am here! It makes no matter, the most important thing that I have to remember is to move on; I can't let these defeats eat away at my mind and body anymore. I've got to live my life in the present, and leave my past at the Seven Days battle, Antietam, and the election behind. It's time that I to devote all of my attention and care to my loved ones, Nelly, Mac, and Mary again. I'll be a greater father and husband, I promise.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
October 12th, 1863
Editorial by: George B. McClellan
Recently I had been asked by the producers of this fine newspaper to comment on my permanent relief of duty by our "wise and honorable" president, Abraham Lincoln, but I've decided to take this opportunity to announce something far more important instead. I, former Major General George McClellan, shall be entering the political scene as a proud Democrat coming the election next year. In my opinion, it has become apparent that these Republicans in Office have no clue on how to run this country, and probably haven't even so much as glanced as the Constitution in their lifetimes. They have continued their approval of this bloodbath of a war while thousands of husbands, brothers, fathers, and sons lay dead fighting for their unjust causes. Slavery is a right protected in the very Constitution! The fact that Lincoln thinks he has the right, the audacity, to tell the rebelling states to release their property is completely mad, and is only one of the many showings of Lincoln's arrogance and folly while he's been in charge of this country. All that foolish "Proclamation" will do is further the divide and bring us closer to shutting off negotiations all together. The only true way that us Northerners will walk away from this war the true victors, is by pursuing peace with the South, by trying to end this bloodshed for good and allow our soldiers to return home. I trained those men and led them, and I can say from experience that they just want to return home to their families, to see the ones that they miss dearly. However, if we continue upon our current road, Generals like that butcher, Grant, will break apart even more pure, innocent Northern families with grief. And don't even let me begin on the expenses! Having to pay thousands of soldiers, buying equipment and rations for all of them,is going to drive this nation into even further debt! In order to save lives and money for what's left of the Union, we need to look into more diplomatic options while we have the chance. If anything, we should allow the South to see what it's like to stand independently; I guarantee that they will come running back to the Union within a year or so. But most importantly, The vital message that I want to convey is that the time for war is over; it's time that we, for the sake of our expenses and thousands of lives, begin negotiating peace with the South. And the only way that the North can achieve such an action, is if we vote in a proper Democrat.
Choose wisely during the election,
-George Brinton McClellan
Choose wisely during the election,
-George Brinton McClellan
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Dedicated to the Spineless Monkey in Charge
November 7, 1862
Damn him! Damn him and all who support him! Damn his entire family, damn all that he cares for, and damn this pointless war! Who gives him the right? Who gives him the right to tell me how to fight a war, tell me how I made mistakes! I am a graduate of West Point! I should be ordering him in the ways of war! He's done it, that ape has finally done it; he's relieved me of duty! He had the audacity to inform me that our Union victory at Antietam wasn't good enough for him; all of the blood shed spilled and our decisive victory didn't suffice, and that I should have done even more to chase down Lee. Is the man mad? Is he some kind of blood-lusting lunatic who wishes for this war to take as many lives as possible? I had lost thousands of men! I, they, needed to recuperate. They required rest after such a battle. They were in no right mindset to try and continue the bloodshed by aggressively chasing Lee down. But no, Lincoln, our holy and righteous commander, truly knows what is best. He didn't need to be at the battle, for Lincoln is a god among us mortal men and is an all knowing being. At least, that's what the fool believes! I would've won this damn war! If he had just given me time, I could have finished Lee and his men, just if Lincoln had for once in his sad career as President given me patience. Is this how I must go back home to my family? A dishonored, humiliated man who was removed from command? This is the man that my children are supposed to respect and learn from? The husband that my wife is supposed to love? It is an outrage! Perhaps my anger has gotten the best of me, perhaps there is some opportunity I have here, some way to retain my pride. Politics. That's what's left to me. If I am unable to lead men into battle, maybe I can run their country instead. I won't let this defeat from a cowardly man get the better of me; I will fight back! Perhaps being President is a role that will suit me better than guiding bloodshed on the battlefield, and perhaps it's time that a certain Commander-In-Chief be relieved of his duty. I've lost every battle, both on and off the battlefield to the demon that is Lincoln, but I won't lose this one. I will be president. I will win the election. And for once in my long and unfortunate career, I will stabilize this nation and make sure that I am remembered a legend!
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
November 7 , 1861
Finally! That old, washed up has-been has retired from military service, and six days ago I was promoted to General-In-Chief of all U.S Armies. While also personally leading the Army of Potomac, of course; however, such a task doesn't daunt an experienced military commander like myself, and all this promotion should do is further secure our eventual victory. I shall admit, these Rebs have lasted longer than I originally anticipated; however, I blame that fool of a general, Beauregard, for losing the Battle of Bull Run. How am I supposed to be blamed for the failures of my subordinates? Had I been in charge of that battle, the Union would be in control of Richmond by now and our grand nation would be mended! It makes no matter, I shall lead the U.S to victory in time, and patience will be necessary. I know these Southern ruffians, and I am convinced that their daft pride and arrogance shall lead them to attack the North, and all I will have to do is wait for their eventual act of folly. Patience! That is something that needs to be taught to my generals and that monkey in office, Lincoln; patience. They're constantly pestering me to go onto the offensive, yet they have no knowledge of the ways of war. They underestimate the numbers of the South; they just want the war to be over and care nothing for the grand levels of strategy that must be employed for the Union success. Thankfully, Lincoln has appeared to have some level of reason and gave me the General-In-Chief position over Scott, and I will make sure that him and the rest of the Nay-Sayers are shown the value of my defensive strategy as I defeat the Confederacy and return to my family a hero. Also, I have received a lot of talk of Lincoln promoting some up-jumped country man from Ohio to Major-General of the volunteers. It's absurd! The man takes a fort or two that would've been won easily by a flock of pigeons, and suddenly he's been hailed a hero of the North! It makes no matter; this "Grant" fellow won't be able to take all of the credit for long, for when the South finally slips up and charges, General George B. McClellan will be there to crush their rebellious ways and put an end to this foolish war once and for all. Mark my words.
Note: Apparently, this is our "National Hero". Looks more like a glory-hungry braggart, in my opinion.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
May 14, 1861
My First Days
It is official now, I, George B. McClellan, am now a Major General and the commanding officer in the Union Army. I expected it entirely of course, a proud graduate of West Point who also holds experience in the Mexican-American War is not easily passed up when the time comes to choose a commander, so it was only obvious that they grant this position of prestige and leadership to me. If I may be completely honest, I am not sure that I agree entirely with the rest of these Union Abolitionists, seeing how the Three-Fifths Compromise is proof that slavery is a principal upheld by the supreme law of the land, The Constitution. However, the idea that the South, or as they have taken to calling themselves, "The Confederacy", has any right to up and secede, to divide themselves from our great nation because they can't always get what they want, is downright unconstitutional and foolish! This war is nothing more than Southern arrogance, and if these uneducated Grayback hillbillies think they have any chance of winning any kind of war against the far superior North, they must be as stupid as they seem. I've already begun scrambling the thousands of Northern volunteers signed as recruits into training camps, and I will be sure that within months; I will have a fully drilled and disciplined military, prepared to squash these Johnny Rebs and restore the Union to its former glory. Nelly, my darling wife, and Max and May shall not have to wait long for the man of their household to return, because if my fellow generals agree with my grand and brilliant strategy of invading Richmond, then this war shall be over within a year or so. The Confederates do not have a single shred of hope against the North's superior numbers and my tactical ability, and my doubts will be destroyed when the real battles begin; I'm sure of it! For this is a chance for me to leave my mark upon the history of our beautiful nation, and I will make sure that I go down a National hero.